Bill Cosby Quotes

Just hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception on whats important in your life.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies.

It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up.

It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all.

Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse.

The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.

Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Fear is what makes comedy funny.

My fear in life, I don't have any kind of specifics like snakes or spiders or anything but I think if I was covered in buttermilk naked running down the street being chased by Gandalf, I'd say, or I don't know, I'm just making it up!

When I was out in the bars drinking and fighting I was a little bit less of a peacemaker than I would be if I'd had a coupla hits of a joint and gone and laid down somewhere.

Most of the people I know who smoke marijuana are not very bright and what they talk about when they're stoned, they think they're being really smart and insightful, but they just sound idiotic.

So when he asked about getting high, I didn't think, I agreed. We smoked some good California green. Took three tries to put me in the place he said I should be.

I've always been paranoid about the police, because even when I'm not doing anything illegal, I'm thinking about doing something illegal. So, whenever I'm around a cop, I get uncomfortable and nervous, worried that I'll say the wrong thing or look so guilty they'll arrest me anyway. Being completely out of my mind on drugs doesn't help the situation any.

It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.

Have I mentioned that I expect death around every turn, that every blue sky has a safe sailing out of it, that every bus runs me over, that every low, mean syllable uttered in my direction seems to intimate the violence of murder, that every family seems like an opportunity for ruin and every marriage a ceremony into which calamity will fall and hearts will be broken and lives destroyed and people branded by the mortifications of love?

She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.