KINKY FRIEDMAN

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.

I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'