267 quotes by Bill Hicks (1961-1994), American (Comedian)

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Bill Hicks

All governments are lying cocksuckers.

Bill Hicks

Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.

Bill Hicks

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah... it's just not enough is it?

Bill Hicks

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

Bill Hicks

Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.

Bill Hicks

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

Bill Hicks

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.

Bill Hicks

I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know.

Bill Hicks

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Bill Hicks

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.

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About the Author

Bill Hicks

Born: December 16, 1961
Died: February 26, 1994
Nationality: American
Profession: Comedian

Biography

William Melvin Hicks was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist and musician. His material—encompassing a wide range of social issues including religion, politics, and philosophy—was controversial and often steeped in dark comedy.

Related Authors

Groucho Marx, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Lucille Ball, W. C. Fields, Mitch Hedberg, Robin Williams, Steven Wright

BILL HICKS

(William Melvin Hicks)