Marian Keyes Quotes

I live by the code 'Kill them with kindness, blood everywhere;' for me, it's always about being the nicest kind of guy.

I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

I bought all those [fitness] videos -- Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda. I love to sit and eat cookies and watch 'em.

I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.

There's nothing like watching Dr. Oz and working out at the same time; you feel like you're the healthiest human being on the planet.

Just kidding, I've been very athletic all my life.

I'm probably the worst person for 'Men's Health' to interview.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

My kids are athletic, but they don't run.

It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

If I lost weight, I'd be two-dimensional!

Many people cycle or swim to keep trim. But if swimming is so good for the figure, how do you explain whales?

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

I really didn't say everything I said.