Mark Twain Quotes

It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.

I don't know. I've never been on second before.

Nothing sinister. Just getting exercise. Although some might consider that sinister.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.

Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

My secret for success? I don't know what the hell success means.

Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I got sent some cheese once. I'm not sure if that was saying something about my act, or just because I like cheese.

When it comes to comedy, it might be interesting to know why an airplane works, but really? Maybe it's better not to know why certain things work. Just fly the thing, and if nothing falls apart, you'll be fine.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Even when it comes to notable events, we are in the dark.

We never knew how much we did not know.

I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.

Life is as horrifyingly frightening as it is hilarious.

Some things are so tragic that you don't know what's funny in it, and some things are so ridiculous you don't know if it's worth talking about it.

The farther you go, the less you know.

You know, we have little bits of understanding, glimpses, a little bit of light here and there, but there's a tremendous amount of darkness, which is a challenge. I think life would be pretty boring if we understood everything. It's better if we don't understand anything and know that we don't, that's the important part.

[One of my kids ]is not named after Aldous Huxley. I haven't even read Brave New World!

The world is not always ours to understand.