Demetri Martin Quotes

Because I'm a bald, dim-witted writer, people think I couldn't possibly be her husband, so they occasionally confuse me for someone more glamorous. At O'Hare airport, a man asked if he could take Rebecca's photo. When I reflexively stepped away, he said, 'No, no, no. I want your picture too, Andre Agassi.'

People think my name is Morpheus. Many times, people will say to me, 'Morpheus!' and I will complete the sentence by saying, 'is not my name!'

The only thing that frightens me a little is when I'm called Kevin rather than Fred, but that's how people have known me for so many years. So, I can't really blame them.

A lot of people think that I'm one of the women from 'Broad City' - and I'm just not.

Sometimes when I'm on the phone, someone will say, 'Yes, Mr. Yeoh.' And I'm thinking, 'I'm not Mr. Yeoh, man.'

One character mistook me for the model and remarked 'That Man-Tan sure works wonders!' That ain't Man-Tan. I'm tan, man. From my head to my toes.

I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.

The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead.

Taken out of context I must seem so strange.

Comedy comes from confusion.

There's a rumor going around that I'm Miss Goody-two-shoes from Australia. Well, that's a laugh. I'm really Miss Goody-two-shoes from England!

It always weirds me out and makes me unhappy that some people think I'm Justin. I'm not. People can be talking to me and I know they think they are talking to Justin. It's hard to explain.

When I was younger, everyone thought I was Courteney Cox.

The whole campaign was a tragic case of mistaken identity.

I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes.

People just usually think I'm someone else. They'll look at me twice, and I'll just say, 'Not Ellen Page.'

People can misconstrue closeness for love.

If I book a table at a pub, or I've got an appointment at an optician's or something, I'll walk in and I'll say, 'This is Tom Jones here,' And they'll go 'Awww, I thought it was gonna be him.' They think it's gonna be the real guy. I've been ridiculed a lot throughout my life for it.

If you understand everything, you must be misinformed.

I really didn't say everything I said.

A lot of things get misinterpreted with me, I guess.

Mike Judge is my Jonathan Swift, and I say that because I don't know any other satirists. But the problem with satire is that it's so easily misinterpreted.

I have always been misunderstood.

When I lived in New York, never in my life had I been more mistaken for another than David Chang.

People confuse me with Gateway.