Jim Backus Quotes

There is a single entendre, but I don't know about a triple one.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun.

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

He toss my salad like his name Romaine

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Only the pun remains. The pun, beloved of Shakespeare, children and tabloid headline-writers, is normally eschewed in the modern, sophisticated circles in which I move.

I'd like to play a horse, many people think I already have. Either end of the horse would be fine.

What does 'dating' mean? I don't know. I couldn't say.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

My wife sent her photograph to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back, said they weren't that lonely.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I like double entendre because then the people who get it enjoy it, and the people who don't get it don't know about it.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

My whole life is classical now. Except my wife. I don't have a classical wife. I have a classy wife, but I don't have a classical wife.

I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?'

Oh you two look delicious," Bast said, licking her lips. "No, no-er, I mean wonderful. Now, off you go!

You can't spell bass without ass

I'm really high... I mean the altitude of course.

The plural of spouse is spice.