I'm a very observational type of comedian that points out everyday absurdities.
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
Comedy is all about the pause.
Clowns are meant to make people smile. That's my goal.
Humor is the ultimate truth. If it’s not true, the joke is not funny.
In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately.
Anytime there's originality and comedy combined, it's very potent for people who love comedy.
A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past life.
There are three things that smell of fish. One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you!
When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny.
When I've been asked what should be on my gravestone, I've said: 'Here lies Gandalf. He came out.' Two big achievements.
The hardest thing in the world to do is to have someone in a seat in a theater laughing so hard that they're making weird sounds.
I think everyone's different but in comedy, I try to do my scene to make the director and the other actors laugh. If I can make them laugh and we have the same sensibility, then I'm on the right page.
Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do.
To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.
There's this little recipe that you have to hit pretty well to get somebody to laugh. And it's a combination of the way in which you say something, with the facial expression that you have, married with the body language that you have, etc.
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.
This is getting funny, but there ain't nobody laughing.
I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way.
Funny is funny is funny.
I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make sure the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech.
