Robin Williams Quotes

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

Sarah Palin met the wombshifter! Old Sarah and the wombshifter.

I got all the Sarah Palin I need for one lifetime.

John McCain said that Sarah Palin is still a force in the Republican Party. Then he got in his car and backed over his mailbox.

I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi ... She looks like the nurse who weighs you and then makes you sit alone in your underwear for 20 minutes ... She looks like a real estate agent whose picture you see on the bus stop bench ... She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing ... She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial.

This Sarah Palin phenomenon is very curious. I think somebody watching us from Mars — they would think the country has gone insane.

My whole career has been an Ann Coulter roast.

I've been making fun of Donald Trump - we all have - for 10 years, and just bringing up his name... I mean, even if you're supportive of Donald Trump, there's still a lot to make fun of.

People go, 'Oh, Trump must be good for comedy,' and I go, 'Ehhh.'

Sarah Palin's real quality is that she is her own best creation.

North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms has signed a deal with Random House to write his memoirs. Scholars will no doubt benefit from the reflections of a man who was wrong on every major issue for 40 years. Helms' aides say the proceeds from the book will be donated to the non-profit Jesse Helms Center where they apparently have more experience burning than publishing them.

I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.

On November 7, 2006, Cafferty called Donald Rumsfeld "an obnoxious jerk and war criminal".

I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sarah Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing - Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner".

What about Sarah Palin. Donald Trump had suggested she would be in his cabinet if he won. Is she going to be in?

Dear Bill (O'Reilly)...I am concerned that you have been losing touch with reality recently. Did you really say you are more powerful than any politician? That reminds me of the famous story about Squeaky the Chicago Mouse. It seems that Squeaky was floating on his back along the Chicago River one day. Approaching the Michigan Avenue lift bridge, he called out: Raise the bridge! I have an erection!

I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian.

Some of you may have been hoping that today I would speak about Lucien Bouchard's latest economic theories. But I have decided to spare him for the time being: after all, he is a man.

Sarah Palin's a quitter.

Sarah Palin is a compelling political figure.

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

When you make 'The Daily Show', it's usually not for a laurel, it's for a dart.

Really, what's not to love in John McCain, satire-wise? As if he had not already been good enough to us, then came his nomination of Sarah Palin. Here, truly, was a gift from the gods of satire.

… establishment bobblehead Fareed Zakaria

We all joke about Bush. You go to a meeting and just say “Bush” and everyone will laugh.