Morbid Humor Quotes

Michael has never cried during a Broadway show. Except in that scene where Tarzan's ape father is brutally murdered. And that was only because he was laughing so hard.

Take your foot out of the graveyard, they are busy being dead.

I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it: "Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I'll be ready.

I've just got a really sick sense of humour that's separate from reality.

One thing I would say is real cops have real gallows senses of humor and make incredibly funny and inappropriate jokes in the presence of dead people all the time.

I really wanted to be on Six Feet Under as a corpse. That would be hysterical.

"Gun-wielding recluse gunned down by local police" isn't the epitaph I want. I am hoping for "Witnesses reported the sound up to two hundred kilometers away" or "Last body part finally located".

I like children. If they're properly cooked.

I've got no idea when I am going to retire. Whenever they pick me up and take me to the funeral home, I guess.

Hell no. When I die I want to be sick.

You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there'd be something funny about it to me.

For starters, let's dispense with the cheap jokes about cannibalism. That means cracks about giving an arm and a leg - sorry - for a good book on the subject, or similar tasteless - sorry, again - attempts to make the subject more palatable - last one.

On being told of the death of former President Calvin Coolidge: How could they tell?

How many people have a family grave in the backyard? I'm sure I'll end up there, or I'll shrink my head and put it in a glass box in the living room. I'll get more tourists to Graceland that way.

Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.

I'll speak for myself, but there's a lot of humor to be found in sarcasm and darkness. You talk to any paramedic, they survive by developing a pretty off-kilter sense of humor.

Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced life forms, and they call you crazy.

If this is dying, I don't think much of it.

I like a person who knows how to say something dark at a very dark moment. The darker the moment and the darker the comic, the better. Something that is so wrong on all levels.

It's not what I'd want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their ankles, like in that movie.

I would've asked him to bring a shovel and come to help me dig a body up. That was what a boyfriend should do, right?" -Sookie Stackhouse

Lots of death, huh? Personally, I'm trying to avoid lots of death, but you guys have fun!

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.