DOROTHY PARKER

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

Go to the Martin Beck Theatre and watch Katherine Hepburn run the gamut of emotions from A to B.

[When asked what was the inspiration for most of her work:] Need of money, dear.

On being told of the death of former President Calvin Coolidge: How could they tell?

Everybody's got their troubles.

In the pathway of the sun, In the footsteps of the breeze, Where the world and sky are one, He shall ride the silver seas, He shall cut the glittering wave. I shall sit at home, and rock; Rise, to heed a neighbor's knock; Brew my tea, and snip my thread; Bleach the linen for my bed. They will call him brave.

How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.

His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light, They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake 'till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints... So far I've had no complaints.

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

I regret to say that during the first act of this, I fell so soundly asleep that the gentleman who brought me piled up a barricade of overcoat, hat, stick, and gloves between us to establish a separation in the eyes of the world, and went into an impersonation of A Young Man Who Has Come to the Theater Unaccompanied.

[At the reception following her remarriage to Alan Campbell:] People who haven't talked to each other in years are on speaking terms again today - including the bride and groom.

She will never win him, whose words had shown she feared to lose.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Should they whisper false of you, Never trouble to deny; Should the words they say be true, Weep and storm and say they lie.

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

Like many a better one before me, I have gone down under the force of numbers, under the books and books and books that keep coming out and coming out and coming out, shoals of them, spates of them, flash floods of them, too blame many books, and no sign of an end.

Somewhere, there, is an analogy, in a small way, if you have the patience for it. But I guess it isn't a very good anecdote. I'm better at animal stories.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.

There was nothing separate about her days. Like drops on the window-pane, they ran together and trickled away.

[On Kay Strozzi in The Silent Witness:] Miss Strozzi ... had the temerity to wear as truly horrible a gown as ever I have seen on the American stage. ... Had she not luckily been strangled by a member of the cast while disporting this garment, I should have fought my way to the stage and done her in, myself.

tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!