Les Dawson Quotes

Religion is absolutely unfathomable. Always and everywhere one can dig more deeply into infinities.

There's nobody more opposite from John Shaft than a kid who worships a banana as his god.

We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?

I am so stupid that I cannot understand philosophy; the antithesis of this is that philosophy is so clever that it cannot comprehend my stupidity. These antitheses are mediated in a higher unity; in our common stupidity.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

The love religion is all that is written here.

Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions.

A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.

Credo quia absurdum – I believe because it is absurd.

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

Music is the child of prayer, the companion of religion.

Making fun of philosophy is really philosophising.

Ah! why, ye Gods, should two and two make four?

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

There is no other world. Nor even this one. What, then, is there? The inner smile provoked in us by the patent nonexistence of both.

This book will prove the following ten facts: 1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there. 2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch. 3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity. 4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight. 5. Music does not always sooth the troubled beast. 6. An Englishman's home is his castle. 7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male. 8. One black eye deserves another. 9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm. 10. It pays to increase your word power.

I've been an atheist ever since I heard there was only a stairway to heaven

Nothing is more real than nothing.

Prayer is to religion what thinking is to philosophy. To pray is to make religion.

The Absolute cannot be worshipped, so we must worship a manifestation.

I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and the part where Jesus carries the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, "Wow! That must be a really good workout! Yeah, because you're doing arms and cardio!"

A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

Forests were the first temples of the Divinity, and it is in the forests that men have grasped the first idea of architecture.

There is supercomputer somewhere in the Nevada desert whose sole function is to count the number of times that I have said the following, because it is unquantifiable by human minds at this point, but this time it’s really true: I should have stayed home.

Art is, nowadays, our new religion and museums are our cathedrals.