MARTY FELDMAN

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

Money can't buy poverty.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

I am too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

Could be worse... Could be raining

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can't define, and it's that X ingredient between two people that make both a man and a woman good in bed. It's all relative. There are no rules.

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though.

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

I am too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

Money can't buy poverty.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can't define, and it's that X ingredient between two people that make both a man and a woman good in bed. It's all relative. There are no rules.

Could be worse... Could be raining