EDDIE IZZARD

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

I'm a one-man idiot.

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.

Comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

I don't believe that competitions are important.

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.