Nicolas Cage Quotes

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Comedy comes from confusion.

You know what they call the fellow who finishes last in his medical school graduating class? They call him 'Doctor.'

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it's surprising. But not all surprising things are funny.

My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'

I'll see something, and I'll go, 'Oh, wow, that's interesting,' because really, comedy comes from the truth.

Ironic things are interesting.

I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.

It would surpass the powers of a well man nowadays to take up his bed and walk, and I should certainly advise a sick one to lay down his bed and run.

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.

I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

"Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library."

If letters had eyebrows, these would be arched.

The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.

Wit is the clash and reconcilement of incongruities; the meeting of extremes round a corner.

Smart writers never understand why their satires on our town are never successful. What they refuse to accept is that you can't satirize a satire.

I'll sit in the park and feed the pigeons for a while.' We don't have pigeons.' Then I'll feed the pterodactyls.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.