Patton Oswalt Quotes

We used to drink an awful lot of alcohol.

Wine hath drowned more men than the sea.

Liquor drinking is not a wrong; but excessive drinking is.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

I'd go and get really drunk somewhere ... in the street. Pass out somewhere and sleep in the gutter.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

I'm a big fan of the effects of alcohol.

Not drunk is he who from the floor - Can rise alone and still drink more; But drunk is They, who prostrate lies, Without the power to drink or rise.

Grease is the only cure for a hangover.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.

Come, for my part I will have only those glorious, manly pleasures of being very drunk, and very slovenly.

The greatest pleasure of this people [Russians] is drunkenness.

The Effects of Ardent Spirits Upon Man

Refrain from drink which is the source of all evil--and the ruin of half the workmen in this Country.

I wanna get drunk 'til I'm off my mind. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

Whiskey claims to itself alone the exclusive office of sot-making.

Alcohol whipped me. Alcohol and I had many, many marvelous times together. We laughed, we talked, we danced at the party together; then one day I woke up and the band had gone home and I was lying in the broken glass with a shirt full of puke and I said, 'Hey, man, the ball game's up'.

And it occurs to me that if I were aboard a rowboat floating in the middle of all the beer I've drunk in a lifetime, I'd never be able to see the shore.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing to their lights thinking I'd made it to another club.