I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
All last year we tried to teach him (Fernando Valenzuela) English, and the only word he learned was million.
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
I just downloaded the new Alvin and the Chipmunks album! They're the only guys that make music in my key!
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.
Tell me what you want, what you really, really want," he said. "Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison.
Chirren [children] is the most dangerous creatures on the earth, with the exception of young girls between the ages of fifteen and forty-two.
We'll have a kid or maybe we'll rent one. He's got to be straight, we don't want a bent one.
