BOB HOPE

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.