Dave Attell Quotes

As you know it is a comedy so everything is a little bit pushed. That's what's funny about this kind of movie is you can laugh about the absurdity, and the bad side of life.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

Only last week I murdered a rock, injured a stone and hospitalized a brick.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Look! I can't even wear glasses because my ear is missing. I'm hardcore! I'm hardcore!

I had to have help getting up these stairs because I've been tackled by so many lions and tigers. Really. I'm like an old football player.

I've had, you know, my leg chopped off.

Optimism isn't funny unless you are laughing at the person, whereas extreme pessimism is extremely funny. It's exaggeration.

Well what's funny is, again, people say they believed what was going on, but again, Bob's hands are about three times bigger than his feet. So these are very caricatured.

I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.

I'm superstitious... but not like wear the same underwear for two weeks superstitious.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

This diamond has so many carats it's almost a turnip.

I'm afraid they've left their legs at home.

Everything can be satirized.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Comedy arises out of necessity, because some things are so dark that you have to laugh about it.

If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?

As long as it's funny, there's no such thing as too far.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

I guess I don't have much interest in writing straight drama. So whatever subject matter I choose will ultimately be dealt with in a comic way.

What makes spinal-cord injuries as devastating as they are is that everything about them plays out in absolutes: they are instantaneous, utterly disabling and horribly permanent.