Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Here's a trick to giving the birds-and-bees talk: You gotta do it in a car, so they can't escape. That's what all my girlfriends' parents did.

Whatever your age, parents generally embarrass their children. I think that's a role we have to play.

Now we've got a little daughter; me and the missus won't talk about football as much.

You never want your dad to introduce you to a girl.

My kids can't watch ('Howard the Duck'). By the time I get in bed with the duck, they are, like, 'Turn it off, mom. You in bed with a duck is just pretty much a deal breaker.'

Children don’t require of their parents a past and they find something faintly unbelievable, almost embarrassing, in parental claims to a prior existence.

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

My mom sees her sons as baby boys. Well, I stopped being her baby boy a long time ago.

The last thing I want my child to see is Dad running around in the middle of the pack. That would really upset me. And that would upset him. I would be embarrassed to take him to school with kids saying, 'Hey, how'd your dad do this weekend?' 'Well, he finished fifth or sixth'.

I urge you children to be patient with your parents. If they seem to be out of touch on such vital issues as dating, clothing styles, modern music, and use of family cars, listen to them anyway. They have the experience that you lack.

There are illegitimate parents, but I don't believe there are any illegitimate children.

I'm in charge of raising a young woman one day, to be a mother and hopefully a wife.

If the family is the basis of the society, and the basis of the family is the division of labor between husband and wife, and the upbringing of children is the most important function of the family, then such a society is indeed civilized ...

We are redefining the concept of marriage to say that fathers are optional.

When I say that children should be told about sex, I do not mean that they should be told only the bare physiological facts; they should be told whatever they wish to know. There should be no attempt to represent adults as more virtuous than they are, or sex as occurring only in marriage. There is no excuse for deceiving children. And when, as must happen in conventional families, they find that their parents have lied, they lose confidence in them, and feel justified in lying to them.

I think it's the human condition to be frequently embarrassed by your parents.

My very shy Punjabi father never taught me about the birds and bees. So shy was he that he may have thought he would get arrested for even talking about it.

The challenge for me as a parent of two girls is to establish enough structure in the house so that things don't go haywire... but at the same time, as a dominant male figure in their life, let them know they can topple the king.

I thought my dad was a scientist when I was young. Seriously. Because people would come up to me, and they would be like, 'Your dad is the smartest person that I've ever met.' And I was so young, so I'd be like, 'Well he just put me on a time out, so I don't agree.'

You can't have a child just to keep a relationship together, can you?

It seemed that I was more interested in raising my children, not in pursuing my husbands.

I do discuss things with him, but as a father, not a friend.

I'm a father of three teenage daughters.

I am definitely not the best wife, and no one has nominated me for 'Mother of the Year.'