Andy Kindler Quotes

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.

I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

What this world needs is a few more Rednecks.

Ladies and Gentlemen, King of the Stupid Question: Todd Grisham!

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes it reminds me to wipe my ass.

Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

Comedy is crowded. There are hundreds of comedians in every place in the world.

There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the "Hippie Dippie Weatherman" on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. "Forecast for tonight? Dark."

What I do is, I make fun of people and I make fun of myself and things around us and exaggerate things. And I'm never mean-spirited. See, the word insult means some guy who's a real unkind human being. But I don't do that, because otherwise I wouldn't be headlining all these years, thank god, and all these people showing up to see me.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social commentary.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.