CHELSEA HANDLER

I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.

We women have to stick together.

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

I don’t care how annoying or loud I am. It’s important to be loud.

I'm a late-night host that doesn't want to be tied down by time or television or even hosting.

I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.

I like to have a home for people just to have a lot of fun.

We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?

I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss.

I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.

I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.

Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'

I was the youngest of six kids, and my brothers and sisters were kind of a lot older than me. And the one sister that was, like, in a close age range - she was five years older than me. She was my closest sister in age, and she was a loser.

I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn't born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that's how my breakups tend to play out.

Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.

There was never a moment when I was like, 'I'm going to enter the public conversation on the importance of female nudity.'

When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.