Bill Cosby Quotes

It just seems to me that there's no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There's a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people, still.

The Bible has no doubt had much influence in its time, but it provides very few laughs. None, in fact.

The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature.

Yes, I've seen Louis CK. I wouldn't in any way make a degrading remark about Louis CK, but the question is do I think anyone is funny? And the answer is not too many people. He might fit right in there.

All my friends are funny, witty, fun-loving people. As are my parents, and the people I work with. I get at least a couple of good laughs in every day.

I've always liked the fact that I could make people laugh at crazy stuff that has happened to me. If it makes you feel better at me falling down the stairs...then I'm going to do it.

The fact of the matter is, you can't do comedy unless someone is behaving badly. Otherwise, it's not a comedy.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

Daisy looked up at him with the kind of expression that Jesus might have given someone who had just explained that he was probably allergic to bread and fishes, so could He possibly do him a quick chicken salad.

The Bible tells a story. A story that isn’t over. A story that is still being told. A story that we have a part to play in.

I love Ice Cube and Charlie Day. They're brilliant men, great actors and very funny people.

Poetic language is singularly appropriate for recounting the life of the king who is traditionally accepted as the author of the poetic psalms, some of which are included in the narrative.

Literally, the Bible is a gigantic myth, a narrative extending over the whole of time from creation to apocalypse, unified by a body of recurring imagery that "freezes" into a single metaphor cluster, the metaphors all being identified with the body of the Messiah, the man who is all men, the totality logoi who is one Logos, the grain of sand that is the world.

The grinding power of the plain words of the Gospel story is like the power of mill-stones, and those who can read them simply enough will feel as if rocks had been rolled upon them.

...if I die suddenly, my gravestone might appropriately offer this insight into my departure: "God got tired." I require lots of work.

It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.

God will forgive me. It's his job." Heine said this on his deathbed (1856). Hilarious. He must have thought that up years before and counted the seconds to use it.

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

I am not against marriage - without marriage, ninety-nine percent jokes will disappear from the world. How I can be against marriage? I am all for it.

I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes.

Socially, it is funny. People are annoyed because, really who is a clown?.

It was peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming because the priest would say it five times rapid fire. He'd go, “My peace I leave, my peace I give to you. While we ate Reese's Pieces with the Lord. And I have a piece of lint in my peaceful eye"!

You ever wonder if Adam and Eve were just the puppies God dumped because they wouldn't house-train?

I think the good Lord is a Yankee.

No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.