Arthur Smith Quotes

I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not.

I think anyone who behaves boorishly but without a good sense of humor is not as fun to watch.

I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

My only goal is to make the crew laugh, basically. It's the only litmus I have to know, is this good or not?

Let us not lose the Bible, but with diligence, in fear and invocation of God, read and preach it. While that remains and flourishes, all prospers with the state; 'tis head and empress of all arts and faculties. Let but divinity fall, and I would not give a straw for the rest.

The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print.

The best evidence of the Bible's being the word of God is to be found between its covers. It proves itself.

To trifle with Scripture is to deprive yourself of its aid. Reverence it, and look up to God with devout gratitude for having given it to you.

The Bible defines almost nothing because it isn't a book for scholars and philosophers or free thinkers. It's a book for people who want help. It's primarily a book for pastors. They're the ones that can use it in a way so that it actually achieves its purpose.

We must never forget that both good and evil flow from the Bible. It is therefore not above criticism.

If you own just one Bible, you are abundantly blessed. 1/3rd of the world does not have access to even one.

For a man learns more quickly and remembers more easily that which he laughs at, than that which he approves and reveres.

The characters and events depicted in the damn bible are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The Bible has been a bestseller for centuries. Why should I let two thousand years of publicity go to waste?

I really think the Bible is a baseline where all stories come from. All of the zillion stories in the Bible provide inspiration for everything.

...the Bible is such a book of lies and contradictions there is no knowing which part to believe or whether any.

Funny people don't really laugh very much.

I had a couple of decent laughs on Townies, but for the most part, delivering a joke that you just know is not funny is hard.

I remember myself, that when I was young, I had sometime the company of one ancient godly minister, who was of weaker parts than many others, but yet did profit me more than most; because he would never in prayer or conference speak of God, or the life to come, but with such marvelous seriousness and reverence, as if he had seen the majesty and glory which he talked of.

I'm not going to be remotely funny.

The Book of Mormon was written for us today. God is the author of the book. It is a record of a fallen people, compiled by inspired men for our blessing today. Those people never had the book. It was meant for us.

I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people.

We have used the Bible as if it was a mere special constable's handbook — an opium-dose for keeping beasts of burden patient while they were being overloaded — a mere book to keep the poor in order.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.