Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I cannot help reflecting that if my father had been American and my mother British instead of the other way around, I might have gotten here on my own.

Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor.

Her mother was a Rutherford. The family came over in the ark, and were connected by marriage with Henry the VIII. On her father's side they date back further than Adam. On the topmost branches of her family tree there's a superior breed of monkeys with very fine silky hair and extra long tails.

I don’t know who my parents were. I know nothing about my inheritance. I could be Jewish; I could be part Negro; I could be Irish; I could be Russian. I am spiritually a mix anyway, but I did have a solid childhood fortunately, because of some wonderful women who brought me up. I never had a father or a man in the house, and that was a loss...

My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.

We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.

Birth and ancestry, and that which we have not ourselves achieved, we can scarcely call our own.

As I don't know what life would be like without my Chaplin connections, I work with them. I'm just really happy it's a family I can be proud of; it's not as if I'm related to some Z-list celebrity.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

My personal favorite is Woody Allen, who is just amazing as a comedian.

I was born on 22 March 1931 in New York, the elder child of Abraham and Fanny Richter.

Gene Wilder is so funny.

You can properly call him a son of anything you please.

Alec Baldwin is so funny.

There's not many comedy characters that make me laugh as much as The Rock does; it's nice to have a big muscly guy being funny and stupid.

I think Matt Shively is one of the funniest humans in the world.

I was never obsessed with being adopted. I was simply curious about my biological parents.

My father was Australian.

I'm the ultimate studier of comedy. I grew up in a very funny household. My dad is the king of one-liners; my brothers are great at telling stories, and my mom is funny without knowing it.

I'm a big fan of comedy such as Cendric the Entertainer.

You have a mother?" He quirked a brow. "Did you think mine was some sort of divine birth? My father was a remarkable man, but even he was not that talented.

If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room.

We are not a nation, so much as a world; for unless we claim all the world for our sire, like Melchisedec, we are without father or mother.