Sexual Performance Quotes

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

a man doesn't prove he's a man by getting an erection. He's only a real man if he can pleasure a woman. And if he can pleasure a prostitute, he'll think he's the best lover on the block" -Nyah

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.

Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

I do not want my man to be exhausted for our wedding day, especially our wedding night.

There's no such thing as free love. Have you seen the price of Viagra?

Maca boosts sex drive like crazy. And if there's any side effect, some people just have to stop taking it because they get so sexually stimulated... Kind of makes you feel a little like a superhero.

Sexual performance problems, such as impotence and frigidity, are 70 to 90 percent changeable. But a homosexual who wants to be a heterosexual - that's close to unchangeable. And a transsexual - say a man who believes he's really a woman in a man's body - is completely unchangeable; you'd have to change the body to conform to the psyche.

I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

And if the problem [with contraception] is promiscuity, then why does the immense popularity of Viagra go unchecked? Doesn't it make more sense to leave the bullets out of the gun than to try to avoid being shot? Especially when the gun is an old musket, and you have to clean it out and tamp down gunpowder, melt down scraps of lead and pour it into a mold, wait for it to cool - only to have it take forever to finally go off?

I scowled defensively. "My conversations don't usually include the subject of erections." "Too bad," he said. "All the best conversations do.

I'm human viagra. I'm Willagra. I'm a sex machine now. I'm raring to go every second of the day. My wife's loving it.

When the male organ of a man stands erect, two thirds of his intelect go away. And one third of his religion.

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Oh, I don't know about that, Jericho. See, when it comes to the bedroom, The Game always came up a little bit... short.

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.

An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card.

It had better be. It doesn't do much when it's soft.

White boys do eat pussy better than everyone else, though, I will say that. Maybe it's those thin white-boy lips!