Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Yes, sir. I'm a real Southern boy. I got a red neck, white socks, and Blue Ribbon beer.

Everybody calls everybody a spy, secretly, in Russia, and everybody is under surveillance. You never feel safe.

You are becoming a left wing McCarthyite …. The FBI has better things to do than to listen to our conversations.

The implicit bargain that is offered to citizens: Pose no challenge and you have nothing to worry about. Mind your own business, and support or at least tolerate what we do, and you’ll be fine. Put differently, you must refrain from provoking the authority that wields surveillance powers if you wish to be deemed free of wrongdoing. This is a deal that invites passivity, obedience, and conformity.

My well-discussed 'paranoia' urges me to believe that some tiny segment of the NSA's parsing algorithm is finely tuned to my voice.

Every time I leave the house or we go anywhere, there is a paranoia. We always have to watch for specific cars and specific signs that we're being photographed.

I assume I'm being taped everywhere, so I never worry about that.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

He watched through a crack inside just pretending to be dead he wanted to fix each pallbearer in his memory . . . it seems to me a telephone was installed in the coffin to someone yet again Stalin is sending his instructions.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

they had come to a time when no one dared speak his mind, when fierce, growling dogs roamed everywhere, and when you had to watch your comrades torn to pieces after confessing to shocking crimes.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live-did live, from habit that became instinct-in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized.

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.