Reggie Jackson Quotes

Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that was done this year . . . by cosmetic surgeons.

I could do without 'cool' publications calling me 'mom jazz.' But I laughed all the way to the bank, baby.

It's like, 'Twilight' was voted the worst movie of all time, and I'm like,'Can I please have the worst movie of all time? Please? Half of that?'

Oh, sheez, what’s Syd Vicious doing back in town? (Payne) How’d the testicle retrieval go, Payne? You still limping?...Thought so. I got the thank-you card from Planned Parenthood last week. Seems they want to honor me for saving the gene pool. (Syd)

You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face.

And believe it or not, she has a phone and everything. She stopped using smoking signals last year.

I cannot recall a more engaging passage in fiction, and I've been trying for almost eighteen seconds.

I got 99 Problems but Mitt ain't one.

Ridicule is often employed with more power and success than severity.

Ridicule is about the most powerful weapon possible.

It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

Ridicule often checks what is absurd, and fully as often smothers that which is noble.

She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need more talk-show hosts.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

You know, I might miss some of your witticisms when you’re gone, but one thing I won’t miss? Your overwhelming sense of melodrama and despair. It’s too much even for me.

Being a King sort of sucks," I said. Quentin wrinkled his nose, "So does your outfit." "Blood is in this season.

It's a dangerous game that comedy plays. Sometimes it tells you the truth; sometimes it delays it.

Final installment of Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir: Driving into a tree, microwaving your head, and getting stabbed in the eye with a carrot.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

Oh! This'll impress you - I'm actually in the Abnormal Psychology textbook. Obviously my family is so proud. Keep in mind though, I'm a PEZ dispenser and I'm in the abnormal Psychology textbook. Who says you can't have it all?

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.