Demetri Martin Quotes

On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam."

She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed. "These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-" "No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones." "Awww.

You don't insult American Muslims and religiously profile them the way that has been suggested by Ted Cruz.

I knew how to influence the people, but it's really just one vote. But the party is being handled in a very good way .

Well, the capacity of French intellectuals to understand a Texan way of thinking is finite.

[On political correctness:] Any intended message mattered less than the received message, and every received message could be interpreted in whatever way the receiver wanted.

We put on certain music when we're going to a party, right? You have that playlist of songs that you listen to before you get pumped up to go out.

We gain no wisdom by imposing our way on others.

It is the members of this business elite . . . that pose the greatest danger to our American way of life. They are the ones who've bought and paid for members of both political parties. . . .

I am available for children's parties, by the way.

I deeply respect American sentimentality, the way one respects a wounded hippo. You must keep an eye on it, for you know it is deadly.

As he gave a sleepy, growling groan, that hand disappeared under the sheet. Arizona's lips parted, and her heartbeat tripped up. She cleared her throat. "Spencer?" Freezing, without moving any other body part, he opened his eyes and met her gaze. She frowned at him. He didn't look super-startled, and he said nothing. He just started at her. With his hand still under there. "Yeah..." Semi-satisfied with his frozen reaction, she nodded at his lap. "You weren't going for a little tug, were you? Because as your spectator, I'd just as soon not see it." -Arizona and Spencer

What was I supposed to say?.....did I tell them the Master had the hots for me, so I'd probably be okay? -Anita

It is in bad taste," is the most formidable word an Englishman can pronounce.

The easy way out usually leads back in.

When your daughter asks you to be a fairy for her 5th birthday party... you better be a damned fairy.

This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.

Always take a banana to a party.

If you want to have a great party at Wembley, don't invite the Germans.

All over the world kids and women [are] getting killed right now over beliefs, this is silly to get angry over. If it bothers you just don’t attend I’m down for anything positive but this doesn’t affect our parties too much. I’m not the promoter, I actually had nothing to do with the rules being implemented, but I do agree with my team. And cause of who I am, I’m the de facto speaker. I have thick skin so u guys that consider yourself PLUR can attack me all you want it doesn’t bother me. I’m just here for the music.

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy.

For both parties in a controversy, the most disagreeable way of retaliating is to be vexed and silent; for the aggressor usually regards the silence as a sign of contempt.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

It is remarkable to me that both parties are so out of touch with the American people, both Democrats, Republicans and Independents, we all feel the same way.

What I do feel with the different scripts that they give me where I feel like this is done for one of those reasons, I share my point of view. I don't just say, "No, thank you." I say, "I feel that this represents Latinos in a wrong way, in a bad way."