Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Christmases past, my sister Carolyn and I - we'd been waiting for Santa all night. Nothing! Where is this man?

On Christmas morning when I was a child, my mother would leave a book wrapped at the foot of the bed, which was a hint that Santa had come. It was also her way of keeping us in bed a little longer before we went downstairs. So I've always associated books with happiness and gifts. And they are. I can't get enough of them.

I did some bad stuff. I don't remember what in particular, but I did some bad stuff. So the morning of Christmas, I wake up and my brother is there, my sister, my mom, everyone's got gifts and I can't find my gifts. No gifts. They acted like Santa didn't' bring me anything because I wasn't good.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

I loved Christmas. We had a really great time. But there wasn't - it was all - you had to be happy with, you know, an orange and a couple of walnuts, you know, in your stocking.

Toys are not a need people typically think of, but they've got all these kids who have absolutely nothing to do.

I remember kids used to give me a penny for drawing them a horse. I loved horses, but I couldn't have one, so I would draw a horse for myself. I would make it food and a blanket for it to wear and a place to live.

Everything when I was a kid was illustrated.

I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe.

The smells of Christmas are the smells of childhood [p. 53]

I have two kids now and through watching them, I keep having flashbacks to my own childhood.

I would make up [Theodor] Seuss-like books at night when I was cleaning up from the dinner, you know, putting these little kids to bed, reading them rhyming books. And so that's what I started doing. They were really bad. I have some in a box and it says on the box, it's a note to my kids you know, when I die, if you ever publish these I will come back and haunt you.

I'd like to think that all the old Beatle fans have grown up and they've got married and they've all got kids and they're all more responsible, but they still have a space in their hearts for us.

When we were growing up we only got two pairs of shoes every year. With me, I was lucky because I got three pairs of shoes, the third were basketball shoes: Black Air Force Ones, White Air Force Ones, and boots for the winter.

What do you suppose makes all men look back to the time of childhood with so much regret (if their childhood has been, in any moderate degree, healthy or peaceful)? That rich charm, which the least possession had for us, was in consequence of the poorness of our treasures.

I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus!

I think that's the problem with kids now. Everything is manufactured. And then they're sitting there watching the television, where all the work is done for them. Radio made me use my imagination.

We must not seek the child Jesus in the pretty figures of our Christmas cribs. We must seek him among the undernourished children who have gone to bed at night with nothing to eat, among the poor newsboys who will sleep covered with newspapers in doorways.

I go with what I like and I generally just cling to things that are pastel and remind me of being a little kid. It's just what it is right now, but I go through phases.

I always felt like I was right out of Dickens, looking in the window of the Christmas feast, but not at the feast.

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.

I'll always have a kid in me.