Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I like kids but I also like the option to close the door. Becoming a parent is a whole other life, and it doesn't stop.

I'm always doing comedy and will never hit up a 9-to-5 desk job.

I know for my wife and I, we always loved the idea of being young parents. It is an incredibly inspiring and challenging job being a parent, and as it turns out, being young really helps you keep up.

As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something else? I just don't get that.

I did not go into comedy to escape anything. I went into comedy because I had parents who thought it was a reputable way to earn a living.

It's very rare that stand-up comics have kids, because once they do, they stop doing stand-up.

Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.

I don't want a chat show or to be on telly every day, as that's not my business; my business is standing in front of people and making them laugh, and I want to see how far I can get with that.

My mother did a tremendous job of raising four children in Ottawa under a spotlight.

Parenting is more than a numbers game: it's a question of whether people are equipped for the toughest job they will ever be asked to do.

Taking care of children was not something I was good at.

My family were nothing but pleased when I told them I wanted to be a comedian.

My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing, as is evidenced by the fact that you're reading a very sloppy and poorly researched book.

I'll never get sick of raising my children, but other people might get sick of them.

I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20.

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously. I'm good flying up to four hours, but anything past that, I want to kill myself.

As much as we teach our kids, the process teaches us. If we're being diligent, we're learning from our strengths as parents, but also from the mistakes that we make.

There is no greater leadership challenge than parenting.

Raising children is like making biscuits: it is as easy to raise a big batch as one, while you have your hands in the dough.

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

I worked as an assistant editor, actually, for a few years. That was right when I was just starting to get out at night and do a lot of stand-up, improv, and sketch work in New York. It really is invaluable. I think it pounded into me an awareness of what an editor wants and needs, in terms of clarity of a moment, where and when to start and stop a line.

I'm a mother of three children, and we do make mistakes.

I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those comics where it's guaranteed that I hit it out of the park every time. You know, I am not completely reliable. It's always different, and it's a complete crapshoot whether I'm going to do well.

Parenting is the greatest of hum-a-few-bars-and-I'll-fake-it skills.