Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I read that book 'Fat is a Feminist Issue', got a bit desperate halfway through and ate it.

I drive an American car. It's a Chrysler. That's not an endorsement. It's more like a cry for pity.

If you are home, and you got no place to go, and you want to, just blow yourself up ... Go ahead ... The drugs themselves ... There's a price for doing stuff to yourself.

Someone bent on suicide won't have much sense of humor left.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Allow me to say that I would long since have committed suicide had desisting made me a professor of Latin.

I have a very dark sense of humor.

I don't take myself seriously. Others should take me seriously, I don't.

Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

I don't persuade to suicide.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I like doom and gloom with a sense of humour. Maybe it's a Scottish thing, we like to undercut indulgence with a laugh.

When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.

The show is 'Fix My Life!' Get it? Life. I do not fix people.

Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

Perhaps naively I thought people understand what humor was, that it was invented by the human race to cope with the dark areas of life, problems and terrors.

I have a nervous breakdown in the film and in one scene I get to stand at the top of the stairs waving an empty sherry bottle which is, of course, a typical scene from my daily life, so isn't much of a stretch.

I really lack the words to compliment myself today.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

A girl's got to do what she's got to do to make somebody pay her a compliment. If that means moaning 'til the cows come home, then so be it.