Henny Youngman Quotes

Of all men the drunkard is the foulest. The thief when he is not stealing is like another. The extortioner does not practice in the home. The murderer when he is at home can wash his hands. But the drunkard stinks and vomits in this own bed and dissolves his organs in alcohol.

Drunkenness is simply voluntary insanity.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

Drunkenness excuseth no vice.

The American who drinks wine is in danger of becoming the victim of drunkenness, licentiousness, and gambling.

Reasoning with a drunkard is like going under water with a torch to seek for a drowning man.

The English are very indulgent to episodes of alcoholic insanity.

[Jenks]"I think you're all screwy in the head," he said when Bis nodded his encouragement. "But go ahead. I've got Quen's number in my phone. I'll call him if you both explode in a flash of black underwear and money so I won't have to fly all the way home.

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

Of all vices take heed of drunkenness; other vices are but fruits of disordered affections--this disorders, nay, banishes reason; other vices but impair the soul--this demolishes her two chief faculties, the understanding and the will; other vices make their own way--this makes way for all vices; he that is a drunkard is qualified for all vice.

Nor is drunkenness censured for anything so much as its intemperate and endless talk.

It were better for a man to be subject to any vice than to drunkenness; for all other vanities and sins are recovered, but a drunkard will never shake off the delight of beastliness.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

I'd go and get really drunk somewhere ... in the street. Pass out somewhere and sleep in the gutter.

Some of you fellers are getting 'Whiskey Slick.'

A drinker does not exist. Whatever they say, it is just the drink talking.

One that hath wine as a chain about his wits, such a one lives no life at all.

He raised his brows. "You're drunk." "Am not!" He gave me a bland look. "A drunk's famous last words before they fall flat on their face.

Drunkenness is nothing but a self-induced state of insanity.

Lo! the poor toper whose untutored sense, Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense; Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer, Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.