LENNY BRUCE

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

There are never enough I Love You's.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Communism is like one big phone company.

My mission is to expose the lies.

Liberals can understand everything, but people who don’t understand them.

Let me tell you the truth. The truth is what is, and what should be is a fantasy. A terrible, terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago.

Take away the right to say "fuck" and you take away the right to say "fuck the government.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls.

I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.

I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?'

If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.