Traffic Violation Quotes

The day after I had my licence to drive, I made Paris/Nice at 230 km/hour.

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan?

I've crashed my car three times.

My driving record is not exemplary, but I have never had a speeding ticket over 100 m.p.h. I can say that unequivocally.

You pretty much know as a driver what too fast is.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

We get picked up in these Rolls Royces and get three miles down the highway and five cop cars pull us over.

Do you know how fast you were going?" Fang looked at the speedometer..."No," he said truthfully. I tagged you at seventy miles per hour,"she said, pulling out a clipboard. I let out an impressed whistle. "Excellent! I never thought we'd be that fast." Fang shot me a look and I put my hand over my mouth.

The last time I was pulled over was in 2005. I was going 55 in a 35 mile per hour zone - which I don't understand because you can barely even idle at 35 miles per hour. Anyway, I was ordered to go to traffic school. It was an 8-hour class and really painful.

One night I was driving and so infatuated with dipping French fries into my milk shake that I drove right through a stop sign. The cop who pulled me over had no mercy.

I even used to stop vehicles going through stop signs, even though I was walking.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.

Drive through a yellow light, and you may be ticketed thanks to a camera tied onto a pole. Everybody's watching everything. And then sending it out to the world via email.

I doubt if any of them would even intentionally double-park.

One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.

A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

In California, the lines on the road are just a suggestion. They're in the left lane with the left indicator on, so naturally it's time to turn right! Are you kidding me? In your Prius? I know, you're saving the Earth by trying to kill the people!

Anybody who speeds thinks they can outsmart the cops.

A woman driver went through a red light. The cop stopped her and said, Lady, didn't you see that red light? The woman said, You've seen one, you've seen them all.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)