I'm always making Butcher Holler sound like the most backward part of the United States-and I think maybe it is.
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
... why do people who live in the country always give themselves such airs?
You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.
When we were kids, my favorite thing was coming to upstate New York where my family is from and hanging out with my grandparents' friends pre-Internet and them asking if we had stores or 'Do you have TV in Alaska?'
You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
Urbanites may picture farmers as hip heritage-pig breeders returning to the land, or a struggling rural underclass waging a doomed battle to hang on to their patrimony as agribusiness moves in. But these stereotypes are misleading.
North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?
You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.
You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
When someone says, 'Shut up, farmer,' it hurts. It's difficult to explain, but it hurts.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close; I can do that at home.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.
You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
