Marriage Satire Quotes

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

Everybody thought that Titanic was the most romantic movie ever. A story about two teenagers who knew each other for three days. Try to make that movie with a couple that's been together for a few years. 'Get in the goddamn boat, Rose!' 'I don't wanna get in the boat!' 'Get in, come on, I'm freezing my ass off out here! I wanted to go to Jamaica, but no, we had to go on a cruise in the middle of the winter!' 'You never draw me naked anymore'

HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

Here it is,' Nigel said. Mrs D, Mrs I, Mrs FFI, Mrs C, Mrs U, Mrs LTY. That spells difficulty.' How perfectly ridiculous!' snorted Miss Trunchbull. 'Why are all these women married?

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.

For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

I don't see how being married could be any worse than listening to you talk for twenty years, but that still ain't much of a recommendation for it.

He set the suitcases in the back then tossed her the keys. "You drive." She repressed a smile as she climbed behind the wheel. "With each passing day, your reasons for wanting a wife become clearer.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Oh I don't mind going to weddings, just as long as it's not my own.

I think that everyone should get married at least once, so you can see what a silly, outdated institution it is.

Lord Akeldama sighed. 'You lovebirds, how will I endure such flirtations constantly in my company? How déclassé, Lord Maccon, to love your own wife.

In pop culture news, Lady Gaga got married. And yes, she was wearing white meat.

He's laughing me into a stupor, she thought. I could heckle, I suppose, I could throw a bread roll at him, but he's eaten them all. She glanced at the other diners, all of them going into their act, and thought is this what it all boils down to? Romantic love, is this all it is, a talent show? Eat a meal, go to bed, fall in love with me and I promise you years and years of top notch material like this?

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

... it is a fact universally acknowledged that a husband is the most ridiculous thing on earth, except for a bachelor.

Married men are horribly tedious when they are good husbands, and abominably conceited when they are not.

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams