Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Certainly nobody gets married wanting to get divorced or even expecting to - except me.
