Joke Theft Quotes

Ten comics can say the same joke, and I'm the one who gets called a thief.

I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.

When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

There's a difference between hiring writers and stealing jokes.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

I don't think I've ever had a conversation with a comedian who stole except for when it's been in anger.

You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell them to come to one of my shows.

The one and only thing that every comic agrees on is that you do not steal jokes.

I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I want to move around. In fact, it's hard for me to write a joke where I don't end up on the ground for some reason. Hey, at least that way, I know no comics will steal my jokes. Too many bruises.

In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.