Humorous Tone Quotes

If I am nominated [for the presidency], I will not run. If I am elected, I will not serve. But if you beg me, I just might reconsider.

Jimmy [Carter]'s still mad because I wouldn't take secretary of state. I want to be director of alcohol and firearms.

A million thoughts went through my mind. What little mind I have.

I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain.

I look like if AJ Styles and Conrad Thompson had a child. But the child didn't grow full arms or legs; he just grew out from the belly.

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan?

My dragon? save anybody? you must have have him confused with someone else- Smaug perhaps?.

When it comes to culture, I'm sort of like Nostradamus if he'd been a handsome, witty minor celebrity with a great head of hair instead of a crusty old dude from the olden days.

At one time I thought he wanted to be an actor. He had certain qualifications, including no money and a total lack of responsibility.

With Edge and Christian, we were like 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure,' the Bill & Ted of WWE. We were kind of goofy, kind of funny, humorous, but then when we had to be serious in the ring, we would get serious.

I am in fact, a hobbit in all but size

'Shoop' is whatever you want it to mean. You just shooping around. Just shoop!

I don't care what you do - baseball or politics - George W. Bush is always going to be compared to his father. I just want it to be an easy answer in 50 years - Who was the better player, me, or my kids? I want it to be my kids.

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket

I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.

'Waiting For Guffman' was different right away from 'Spinal Tap,' because we didn't show the interviewer. That person became invisible immediately. That created a different way of tuning it and ultimately editing it.

I don't think the expectation is that the 'Psych' musical is going to be 'Rent,' so I think as long as we didn't completely humiliate ourselves and it is funny and it is in the tone of what we do, we'd have a fighting chance of pulling it off.

Any good broadcast, not just an Olympic broadcast, should have texture to it. It should have information, should have some history, should have something that's offbeat, quirky, humorous, and where called for it, should have journalism, and judiciously it should also have commentary. That's my ideal.

One of my rules is, if Jesus or Taylor [Swift] calls, I take the call.

I'm great as bait! All the vampires want to eat me!

Abracadabra, I'm up like Viagra.

So many songs are just a wink to the audience, but people take them seriously. 'My Humps?' C'mon!

And what in the name of Merlin’s most baggy Y Fronts was that about?

Oh God," I said. "I'm Zmey's daughter. Zmey junior. Zmeyette, even.

It'll certainly give the pigeons something to do.