Cruel Humor Quotes

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

Gratuitous fat jokes always hurt, no matter what.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

If you know somebody is going to be awfully annoyed by something you write, that's obviously very satisfying, and if they howl with rage or cry, that's honey.

British humour is very cruel. It's my favourite kind of humour; if it isn't cruel and funny it doesn't really cut the cake for me.

Just because you're funny doesn't mean you get to be cruel.

Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

I would like, with the sun shining through the window on a crisp early-autumnal mid-morning, with a sufficiency of Monster Cappucino flowing in my veins to prompt minimal sentience, to declare my view for the record that Drummer Jokes are a cruel and pernicious form of humour introduced to the world by under-humoured persons lacking in sensitivity and concern for other drummers.

Honesty and wisdom are such a delightful pastime, at another person's expense!

Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.

Can someone's true value really be estimated? Maybe there needs to be an Edmunds.com for people on TV. That would be funny and possibly cruel.

Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there's plenty of ways to do that.

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

Misery makes sport to mock itself.

Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry -- and the world laughs harder.

Parties are a cruel kind of fun.

I think British humour is very cruel, and gay humour is very cruel. I think the two go hand-in-hand and that's why they mix so well in England. I think that's why you get so many gay comedians in England that are accepted so well because British humour is very cruel. I love it.

When the idea of 'Chopped' surfaced, it was originally meant to be taped at some guy's mansion with him and his crazy Chihuahua. A stuffy fellow in a tuxedo was to host, and the losing chef's dish was then fed to the dog! I am not kidding, I saw it! I think it is genius! Twisted, but genius!

Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little "faces."

I tell very mean jokes.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.