EVAN ESAR

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended.

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.

The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.

Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.

The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.

A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.

If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.

Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.

Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.

The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.

Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.

Hindsight is good, foresight is better; but second sight is best of all.

You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.

A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.