Art Donovan Quotes

Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all.

People say the seats at sporting events are too small. My response is, 'That's why we're trying to work on the size of your rear end!'

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It's a pretty easy audience, and that's been around for ages.

I wish I could swap closets with Diana Vreeland, but I think only my left thigh would fit into her clothing.

I just find all that stuff incredibly funny. I love a fart. I'd do anything for a good poo story.

Nothing is as universal as some good scatalogical humor. Even if it means having to be a little silly or cheeky, I think it is worth it.

I don't try to be funny. It's just that I feel the world is a little bit absurd and off-kilter and I'm sort of reporting.

Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development.

Even when I was on Curb Your Enthusiasm I wasn't this "over-the-top" crazy character. It was still kind of play it straight but it was funny because the situation was funny. That's kind of how I portrayed things and I like dramas; I like to be able to - because in dramas you can laugh and joke and still be serious, be real. I like the realism of them.

I love to have the people watching [The Office ] just because it's fun to have people watching, but our fans are so dedicated, so smart and so cool for the most part. We don't have these fans that overwhelm you if they see you on the street. They're like, 'Love the show', or 'What an idiot. You should have said something to her last week.' I'm like, 'I know.'

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

We had a Judeo-Christian ethic hanging around a couple thousand years that didn't help erase racism at all. So the notion of the little half-hour comedy changing things is something I think is silly.

You could begin to notice whenever you find yourself blaming others or justifying yourself. If you spent the rest of your life just noticing that and letting it be a way to uncover the silliness of the human condition-the tragic yet comic drama that we all continually buy into-you could develop a lot of wisdom and a lot of kindness as well as a great sense of humor.

When a novelist manages to describe or evoke something you thought or felt, without realizing that other people also found themselves in the same situation and had the same feelings, it creates that same solidarity. Maybe it's better to think of humor not as a tool to express the solidarity, but a kind of by-product. Maybe the realization "I'm not on my own on this one" is always, or often, funny.

I eat so much chicken, I'm surprised I haven't grown feathers yet.

Mmm. O positive, my favorite.” “Is it? I thought it was a cabernet sauvignon.” “So it is,” said Adrian, straight-faced. “My mistake.

I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked.

Mona knocked at the wrong time. “Uh…yeah…wait a minute, Mona -- ” Mona shouted through the door. “Room service, gentlemen. Just pull the covers up.” Michael grinned at Jon. “My roommate. Brace yourself.” Seconds later, Mona burst through the doorway with a tray of coffee and croissants. “Hi! I’m Nancy Drew! You must be the Hardy Boys!

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

There is humor that's just whimsy, that we smile at, but the humor that we laugh at, someone has to be - someone's dignity has to be reduced.

Once or twice I've been described as a light comedian. I consider this the most accurate description of my abilities I've ever seen.

Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who was really funny? President Obama. So funny, in fact, he has already been promised 'The Tonight Show' in five years.

The stuff that I'm saying, they're not really traditional, structured jokes. It's not like I'm talking about growing up in Chicago or anything remotely close to that. It's basically me juggling words and concepts and phrases and being stupid.

I'm not as serious of a person as people make me out to be. Most people would think that I would be less successful in comedy, but I can crack a joke as well as anyone else.