Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My wife has joked that if anything ever happened to me, she'd gladly live out her life without anyone else around. I think it bugs her I'm home all the time; such is the life cycle of the cartoonist, however.

Day after day, night after night, my life at home is far from bright, but even home has more variety, than I can find in cafe society.

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

I was lucky enough to go home and raise our babies.

I can write in my living room with my wife and kid around.

I have two dogs, and I write at home.

My priority is always the home.

I'm happier being out of the limelight, at home with the family.

I am a family man. The only difference between me and others is that while they work in corporate offices, I am an actor. I, too, like to go back home after work. I don't mind stopping to pick up groceries.

My house is going - kids running out, my wife is running in and out - but I like to sit down and have breakfast.

I don't sleep. I wait. I sleep in cars and on couches. I sleep when I can, but when I can't sleep, I just don't, so I figure there's a higher calling keeping me on point that night.

I don't love traveling, because I'm never home. It's hard when you have a family.

Some nights I sleep like a baby. Other nights it's, Oh God, I just came up with a bomb shot.

It is as hard to get a man to stay at home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.

To know a people's character, we must see it at its homes, and look chiefly to the humbler abodes where that portion of the people dwells which makes the broad basis of the national prosperity.

If you talk in your sleep, don't mention my name. If you walk in your sleep, forget where you came.

Instead of growing old gracefully, at home with my family - reading and writing and praying and thinking - too much of my time has been spent at airports and in hotels.

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is. Come let us fart in the home. There is no art in a fart. Still a fart may not be artless. Let us fart and artless fart in the home.

I'm post-menopausal. I have nothing but time. Post-menopausal do not sleep. You obviously don't know one. We get about three hours of sleep a night and the rest of the time we have to do something productive with our time.

But the best, in my opinion, was the home life in the little flat--the ardent, voluble chats after the day's study; the cozy dinners and fresh, light breakfasts; the interchange of ambitions--ambitions interwoven each with the other's or else inconsiderable--the mutual help and inspiration; and--overlook my artlessness--stuffed olives and cheese sandwiches at 11 p.m.

I could have stayed home and been kept by my wife.

These (literary) studies are the food of youth, and consolation of age; they adorn prosperity, and are the comfort and refuge of adversity; they are pleasant at home, and are no incumbrance abroad; they accompany us at night, in our travels, and in our rural retreats.

[On women's role in the home:] Every wife, mother and housekeeper feels at present that there is some screw loose in the household situation.

Traveling is all very well if you can get home at night. I would be willing to go around the world if I came back in time to light the candles and set the table for supper.

I wonder how well she sleeps at night, and what kind of dreams she has. I wish I could step into them like she steps into mine.