Jean de la Bruyere Quotes

There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny.

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Don't look now but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you!

A word to the wise is infuriating.

You are a pest, by the very nature of that camera in your hand.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

I hate goofballs.

I am just a thorn in everybody's side.

It's not hard to figure out when you're not welcome.

You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.

I had a box of Ritz crackers, and on the back of the box, they had all these suggestions for what to put on top of the Ritz. Try it with cheese. Try it with peanut butter. Come on, man, they're crackers, that's why I got them. I like crackers! I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates!

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

Don't clap I'm not a jazz band for Christ's sake.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.