Bill Maher Quotes

Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses.

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.

I'm definitely voting for First Gentleman.

Rick Perry is the perfect candidate for those who thought George W. Bush was just too dang cerebral. And Adios, Mofo is the perfect guide to his record, his rhetoric and his remarkable hair. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll vote.

I never wanted to do political satire because it seems too surface to me.

Satire is fascinating stuff. It's deadly serious, and when politics begin to break down, there is a drift towards satire, because it's the only thing that makes any sense.

From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule.

I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

I've been making fun of Donald Trump - we all have - for 10 years, and just bringing up his name... I mean, even if you're supportive of Donald Trump, there's still a lot to make fun of.

I think politics is extremely funny in and of itself.

People go, 'Oh, Trump must be good for comedy,' and I go, 'Ehhh.'

[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.

Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?

George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.

There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.

In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin.

He spent more time on the road to Damascus than a Syrian camel driver. And we thought nobody could fill John Kerry's flip-flops! ... [Romney's record was] anything but conservative until he changed all the light bulbs in his chandelier in time to run for President.

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.

Politics is much too serious to be taken too seriously; equally, there are many aspects of it so laughable as to be lamentable.

For me, my party views don't advance my narrative. Until I can find a way to write political satire like my idols Christopher Buckley or P.J. O'Rourke, I'll simply say what team I play for and leave it at that.

Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.