Shel Silverstein Quotes

Taking notes at a pub in Salisbury, I was mistaken for a health inspector!

On my first day on the set of 'Boston Legal,' I thought the director was calling me 'Candice' instead of 'Constance.' But I didn't realize he was actually talking to Candice Bergen.

Sometimes when I'm on the phone, someone will say, 'Yes, Mr. Yeoh.' And I'm thinking, 'I'm not Mr. Yeoh, man.'

Henry: Well I'm sorry about your head though, but I thought you were one of them. Indiana: Dad, they come in through the doors.

Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire?

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'

A mutual misunderstanding.

What is your name?" asked Lear. Caius," said Kent. And whence do you hail?" From Bonking, sire." Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?

It's dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.

I was talking cannibalism, not romance.

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place. The guy in the place with the thing, you know. And it becomes this game of charades. And then finally, we realize that I mean the Pope.

Now, you'll have to answer my questions." "Oh, very well," Set said. "I like Brazil for the World Cup. I'd advise investing in platinum and small-cap funds. And your lucky numbers this week are 2, 13--" "Not those questions!" Menshikov snapped.

I understand a fury in your words But not your words.

What’s your name, lad?” “Newton. Newton Pulsifer.” “LUCIFER? What’s that you say? Are ye of the Spawn of Darkness, a tempting beguiling creature from the pit, wanton limbs steaming from the fleshpots of Hades, in tortured and lubricious thrall to your Stygian and hellish masters?” “That’s Pulsifer,” explained Newton. “With a P. I don’t know about the other stuff, but we come from Surrey.” The voice on the phone sounded vaguely disappointed.

The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning.

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?

I like that confusion when people are speaking in the same language but still can't understand each other. It's also usually my experience of being in America - when I speak no one can understand what I'm saying.

It was not death she feared. It was misunderstanding.

Mine" he said. Adam's eyes narrowed. "I don't think so. She is mine." It would of been flattering,I thought,except that at least one of them was talking about dinner and I wasn't certain about the other.

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

Thus we have on stage two men, each of whom knows nothing of what he believes the other knows, and to deceive each other reciprocally both speak in allusions, each of the two hoping (in vain) that the other holds the key to his puzzle.

When one man speaks to another man who doesn't understand him, and when a man who's speaking no longer understands, it's metaphysics.

Are you two having some sort of strange human thing that you can’t follow what I’m saying? (Simi)