Scott Westerfeld Quotes

What's your status?" she asked him. "Healthy, wealthy, and wise. What's yours?" "Ha. Mean, crafty, and rude.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.

I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.

Wit is educated insolence.

Perhaps you'd care for a synonym bun," suggested the duke.

Hello, Harry" said George, beaming at him. "We thought we heard your dulcet tones." "You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, also beaming. "There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you.

Pierce made a calculating noise, accidentally brushing my knee as he shifted. "As Jenks would say, you snore nice." I smiled back unconvincingly. I snore nice. Not "I opine that your auditory nasal exhalations are most pleasing.

[Carter just asked when I became a ram whisperer. Do shut up, Carter]

Sorry, Bex," Jason said "You don't have the recognizable facial characteristics - such as a huge chin, or a large amount of real estate between the eyes - that would merit the bestowing of a criminal mastermind nickname such as Lockjaw or Walleye. Whereas Crazytop here...well, just look at her." "Atleast I can blow-dry my hair straight," I pointed out. "Which is more than what I can say for your nose, Hawkface.

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome.

"You are fairly smart," I said after a while. "You are fairly good at compliments," he answered.

I'm not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you'll hear something perfectly worded and well-crafted.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Sometimes a witticism has no truth behind it.

My success comes in making fun of whatever you're doing. That's my way.

At this point, we've ripped on everyone.

I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.

I love insults, devastating takedowns, things that could be described by Twitter hacks as 'shots fired,' and funny ad hominem attacks.

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

I was the class innuendist.

For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?

What I don't like is snark for snark's sake. If you are going to make fun of me, at least be witty while doing it.

Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor.

The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.