Jim Nantz Quotes

I know George Burns was a very happy man.

When you see grown men near to tears because they've missed hitting a little white ball into a hole from three feet, it makes you laugh.

The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

People always think I'm Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.

There are a number of golfers who are playing great golf in their 40s.

I feel like I've been watching Irwin Corey forever. I saw him in the 1950s, and I thought he was old then.

To be a former PGA Tour player typically means you're about 75 years old. They just don't stop.

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

I expect to play golf until I am 90-even longer if anybody figures out a way to swing a club from a rocking chair.

George Burns – the only man I know who does fool Mother Nature.

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I'm really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.

My golf game's gone off so much that when I went fishing a couple of weeks ago my first cast missed the lake.

I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.

I been doing the same things as in my younger days, when I was coming up, and now here I am, an old man, up there in the charts. And I say, well, what happened? Have they just thought up the real John Lee Hooker, is that it? And I think, well, I won't tell nobody else! I can't help but wonder what happened.

I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.

I make people laugh for a living. I believe I can say objectively that what I do I do as well as anybody. Just say I'm one of the best broken field runners that ever lived. For 35 years I was a cult hero, an underground funny.

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

I've studied golf for almost 50 years now and know a hell of a lot about nothing.

But if you'll prosper, mark what I advise, Whom age, and long experience render wise.

I'm little but I'm old.

It occurs to me as we're all sitting here thinking of Mickey, he's probably somewhere getting an earful from Casey Stengel, and no doubt quite confused by now.

My God, I'm four hundred years old and the most I can do is look three hundred.