MEL BROOKS

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.

Immortality is a by-product of good work.

He who hesitates is poor.

A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible.

When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I've always felt okay in Berlin.

Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers.

No, no, the songs write themselves, almost.

I'm rather secular. I'm basically Jewish. But I think I'm Jewish not because of the Jewish religion at all.

It's talent. Either you got it or you ain't.

Well, you know, 'Spaceballs' is a weird combination, because it's a simple, sweet little fairytale, and it's crazy and out-there and making fun of and taking apart sci-fi, 'Star Wars', and 'Star Trek'.

I'll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there's some great comedy minds and performances.

I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn.

I only direct in self-defense.

You got to be brave. If you feel something, you've really got to risk it.

If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.

I know how to make it a great musical. I've got to. It's like I've got to see it on stage.

Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart.

There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere.

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

The brilliance of Max Brooks is that he always quotes authorities at the back of his books that never existed. Like a Russian professor he made up that validates a story or character.

Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet.